I was asked the other day. "Hey Ralph, how is your journey going lately?"
I thought that to be a little condescending. Because the person asking the question obviously had reason to ask and was likely giving good reason based on my attitude as of late. Was it my appearance or some indication of fatigue that they could see, form opinion on? Was there a moment of weakness that somehow embedded into my gate, my body language, my energy. Had my personality changed, was I crumbling? Was I now the study, some type of comparative, a subject, a judgement cause from someone who was indulgent upon their own perspective, when looking at me and/or evaluating their happiness and the happiness of others they know, and they having recently found some totally (and temporary in my opinion) kick-A serenity...that which has evolved and morphed into some form of a mission and purpose, a calling, a responsibility to point out fissures, cracks and inconsistencies in my "having things together". WTF?
My wife looked at me the other day and murmured something like: "You sure are pissed off a lot lately". Or maybe it wasn't she who said it? Maybe she didn't have to say it. Maybe she just looked at me in one of those bewildered, disappointed glares and shook her head. Thinking: "yep, he is going to have to ride this one out". Or was it my mothers tone when making a comment on (one of my four phone calls per year) to her. Or perhaps it was my sister who, without fail, reminds me to call my mother and gives me the same glare as my wife. Could have been any number of friends, employees who, from time to time, feel the need to question my personal barometer and attempt to focus me a little towards peace and inner harmony.
To be honest, my world is one that requires a little bit of frustration. I got to have that sweet spot, the free fall of the big wave--a Hawaii 5-O masterpiece of a rolling motion with me on top. A big ass tsunami; a hand picked wall of energy that I can ride with nothing more than my ability to catch it at just the right time and stay a top. I have to be on the top, have to keep finding the way up there, right on the brink of things crashing down, the optimal balance of motion and security, surfing that forward motion, the fastest most exhilarating spot.
It is staying in the groove that matters, not too much, just enough so I can see the danger, evaluate how much to lean in without crashing over in to the surf. I like it on top of the wave and most of us do, wind in our faces, balancing, dancing where the fun is. We seek the big waves. We the entrepreneurs.
Doesn't everyone get frustrated? While I can be a real sun-of-biatch, I don't always consider being frustrated a bad thing. It is who I have become, the one whom my wife has come to know, my kid, my employees. It is my journey to figure stuff out, find the sweet spot and show others what it looks like. To me, my journey is to show people what life looks like, what the frustrations look like, what the pay-offs are, what the dangers are. And if I just happen to reveal the fact that I ain't so awful and/or ain't so awful perfect, so be it. Fact is, my journey is visiable, can be talked about, criticized, evaluated and exploited; all good things in my opinion, a kick start on my spirit, my legacy--all what's left in case I fall from my wild ride, drop out to the woods with my log cabin and old yellow dog. My journey is one that I want people to remember, so why in the hell not create some controversy, go to the ceiling with the creation of lore and good story telling. Yep, I'll remain vocal and animated about things, I will ponificate, I will start things and let them finish in the hands of others who want a shot at the 5-0. I'll tee up things and let others take their big ass drivers to them.
So if I am one of those folks who can most be relied upon to figure stuff out, to solve problems, deal with adversity....then my short lived displays of frustration and the bi-product of unconventional journey is just part of the deal when living and/or being in my world. It can be tough to watch, a hard pill to swallow. There can be rage, unsavory displays of energy, buffoonery, distastefulness--all in an attempt to bleed off steam in order to come back to the ones I love. Frustration is just another wave.
So how is my journey going lately? Hell, I am right on track. Feeling better already. How is yours?
By the way, a moment of thought for the Nashville folks. They have been through some very hard times with the flooding.