Tuesday, May 8, 2007

The Queen


I think the Queen of England, as an institution, is a little weird. Have you ever seen such a ta-do about a 80 year old country clubber? I want to know, what does the Queen and her entourage "do"...really. Tony runs the country. Stuff like war, employment, GNP, other housekeeping stuff is covered. What does the Queen do? According to the definition of Monarchy, she is to personify the continuity and legitimacy of the state. As set forth by the constitution. What I want to know is when they sneaked a couple paragraphs into the constitution that banished the royal family from Parliament, cast out to a life of frolic, entertaining, etiquette, gaiety and profundity.


I reckon there are mid-day teas, outings, Abbeys and Churches to attend, sitting at in the front pew after a grand entrance, picture taking, buffets, parties, gatherings to approve, dinners and luncheons for dignitaries arriving to sit and chat, with the Queen, and her hat. Who makes a living doing that? I think being a Queen has more to do with making entrances than anything else. That and collecting her hats. She wears some of the coolest hats. I think the ultimate hat for the Queen would be a hat designed to look just like Cher. That would be hallmark.


I visited London once, and did a tour of the British Isles. Did you know that there is a flag at Buckingham Palace, that when raised means that the Queen is "on property"?. That really fires up the thousands of obese American tourists dressed in t-shirts and spandex flocking there each day, thinking that they might catch a glimpse of Elizabeth taking out the trash or pushing the lawnmower or yelling over the fence at Burt, her next door neighbor for a hammer.


I struggle with royalty, it is nothing more than tradition and it seems an expensive task, being the Queen. She has a website, so she is into self promotion. That is cool. There is a lot of information on the web that will tell you all about the traditions, the monarchy, what is proper, what is not. There are lists, and things to remember when greeting the queen. I know I would be one nervous puppy going up and shaking hands, saying hello. What do you think would happen if you didn't do everything right, would a rugby player (long in the tooth) whisk you off like a bouncer at Popps in Sauget? I bet the Queen has never high fived anyone, gotten Punk ed, choked on a hamburger, bent over to pick up a penny, anonymously started a flame stream on a message board. She doesn't know what she is missing.
On her latest visit to the Kentucky Derby her hat totally kicked A and it was the jealous envy of every Southern wannabee queen in the south (I am guessing this). I am also guessing that there was probably more money spent on hats to be worn at the derby than the winning purse won by that horse who came up from behind, because everybody who was anybody knew she was "fixin ta blast off wit da hat bidness". It was freaking hat frenzy for weeks pior the Kentucky Derby, indeed an appropriate place for the Queen to visit.
I wonder if there was some sort of communication dialect gap? Kind of a Hodge Podge of The Queens English and Southern Bell butering going on down there. I get chills thinking of all the posturing taking place at the reception and the awkward looks of discernment taking place between the Queens dignitaries and the Southern Belle's conversing with one another.


From theage.com/au:


"It is quite clear that, far from being 'the richest woman in the world', the Queen is not, in terms of disposable assets, even the richest person in the UK. Her 'private wealth' would form only a fraction of that disclosed recently in the courts as the collective assets of the Beatles."


That means Yoko likely has the upper hand. I am thinking she should leave the hat thing be.

1 comment:

herekittykitty said...

Those loaner jewels she wears aren't bad. Red carpet lookout.